Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2015/05/05 under Uncategorized

I thought this would be a good place to get my feelings from my head and heart out there. I tend to bottle my feelings up and put on a façade of happiness to please others. Here it goes. 9 months ago I met this girl through a hook up app called tinder. We started talking and realized we both knew a mutual friend even though at this time she goes to a college about 2 hours away from where I live. What started as innocent text sent back and forth flirting turned into more than I expected. In the latter months due to financial reason I had to withdraw from my college, I was pretty stressed, depressed and moody. this girl helped me get through all of that and help me refocus and reassure me that everything would be alright. There wasn’t a day that went by where we didn’t talk, we would fall asleep talking on the phone together, wake up and immediately start texting each for the entire day. The distance didn’t seem too bad because of the constant communication, though there were nights where we wished we could hold each other and the sexual frustration got really intense because truth be told we both had really high sex drives. Through talking to her she made me feel special, she admitted to that she was falling for me and it scarred her because she felt like she was losing her independence, she told me she was talking to a friend about us and she told her that she would consider dating me and she felt like we were like that anyway so the label didn’t mean too much to her. I fell for this girl hard and I thought she was the one, she would sing L.O.V.E by Frank Sinatra to me and tell me how much she didn’t deserve me, how I thought highly of her, how much I motivated her, made her feel more special than any guy has ever did. Just recently things got weird. last week in the middle of the night she called me and left me voicemails saying how much she missed me and how much she loved me and wanted to hear my voice. A few days later she sent me a text saying that basically we came from 2 different worlds and how it wouldn’t be plausible for our worlds to come together because of all the “internships, jobs, and trips she would be taking” she said that she really cared for me and it hurt her to let go of what we had. this threw me off! I told her how much she meant to me and that how we could make things work, she read and didn’t reply. her friends said she never wants to talk about it now when they bring me up. I felt like maybe if we actually met in person and talk things out maybe it would work. So one day I drove to her University with the help of our mutual friend, to just my luck she went home that weekend, so to prove that I was actually there I wrote her a love letter spilling my heart out to her and left it for her. Days later and she hasn’t called, texted or anything. so it makes me feel like 9 months worth of building a relationship, falling for each over, letting both of our guards down, motivating each other, and being in love with each was just nothing to her to even try and talk to me and work something out but I still see her posting on facebook, snapchat, instagram, and twitter, it kills me to see pictures of her, screenshots of our conversations and snapchats, memories of how we saw the future together and I just wondered what happened to all of that.

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